Behavior | Viatech Global

I read an article this week that said millennials have higher emotional intelligence than others, that is, they have the ability to read others better than most (HRmagazine.co.uk). I was a little shocked by this article and was researching to support their findings and was unable to find any, or even how they were defining emotional intelligence. Some were skeptical of this and actually felt the opposite was true, that millennials do not have as much emotional intelligence as others. That they are not as open or empathetic as other generations. Yet, there is some truth to the fact that they have been brought up in more a team-oriented environment throughout their education and, as a result, they may know how to function in a team better. However, working in teams does not equate to improved emotional intelligence.

I spent some time searching for research on the topic through the local university and would have to say that there is not much in the research area to really support or disprove millennials having greater emotional intelligence. I did, however, have the privilege to talk with Dr. Jack Chisum and Glenn Brown at their motivation interviewing lab. It is an amazing lab that has the ability to not only read the emotions of the face, but also in the voice and the physiological responses by the people in their lab. (https://asunow.asu.edu/20160719-solutions-emotion-reading-software-better-health-care)

They are working on providing better health care by helping patients identify their emotional responses to what doctors say and also to identify their own thoughts about their health. They can follow a discussion between a patient and a doctor and pinpoint the moment a patient’s emotions jumped and which emotion was most strongly felt. In this work, Dr. Chisum noted that an unanticipated finding in his research was that people under the age of 25 have a difficult time dealing with the emotional expressions made by people older than themselves. That is to say, when someone older than them expresses strong emotion, they didn’t know how to deal with it and it caused a strong counter emotional response in them.

While he said further research would be needed to explore the reasons for this, it was important to note that this emotional response does occur, and if people are working with the younger generation, they may want to be aware of how much emotion they are expressing good or bad. An emotional hijack will lead to a reduction in performance because the logic center becomes disengaged.

So what does this mean to you? Be aware of your own state before talking to someone under the age of 25. Be aware of the state of others as well, but more importantly be aware of the affect your state has on others, especially those under 25. The more you can do to put the person at ease when you meet with them, be it feedback about work done, or an annual review, or a potential conflict that has been occurring, the more likely you will be to engage and reach a productive outcome. In the case of the doctors, Dr. Chisum said it is good to lead with a positive or neutral conversation, like ‘How was the weather on the way to work’, or ‘so great to see you today’, ‘I can tell you take pride in …’.

Dr. Chisum also suggested you lead with their ideal image of what they hope to have happen. Where would they like to be or what would they like to see if the conflict was resolved? What would that look like to them? This line of discussion can then lead to a response such as, ‘That is great, so what do you think the next steps are for you to make that happen’? ‘If you made progress, what would short-term success look like that you would feel good about’?

So what do you do if you don’t have the great technology in the lab? There are other ways to get to know millennials such as using a DISC-based assessment to understand potential emotional triggers which are amplified by their age. This will help you understand how to adjust your communication and reduce emotional triggers before they happen.

I had a consult with an international company that is losing people due to diversity issues manifesting themselves as lack of respect. I’m guessing it may even go farther than that. They thought using our DISC workshop could help with understanding. We agree, but think other attributes are equally if not more so important. What I shared with them was what we have learned over the years.

We have spent a fair amount of effort trying to understand why communication, understanding, acceptance and valuing can be sometimes catastrophic. Behavior was our first stop and it has proven valuable helping people understand how their own behavioral style invokes an emotional response to people with very different behavioral styles and even more important, how their behavioral style invokes emotional responses from others, both positive and negative. With that understanding, a person can adapt to others that are different to minimize the emotional response that so often gets in the way. Quite often that can be enlightening and foster change in a team.

Behavior is only one part in conversation and understanding. Behavioral assessments are great tools because they are so easily understood. There are many assessment variations based on the four basic behavior styles. Your style can be identified as a bird, an animal, a color, a piece of jewelry, and I imagine many more. All of those have pretty simplistic style descriptions and designed to show that we are different and that diversity is not only ok, but can make us better as a team. Having that knowledge gives us the option to interact with others in a manor more appropriate to their behavioral styles, lessening a negative emotional reaction and allowing clearer understanding and acceptance.

Understanding your own behavioral style and an ability to read other styles and adapt to them productively has proven over the years to be a great team productivity enhancer. But behavior is really the tip of the iceberg. Other things can get in the way. One of those being attitudes. Accumulated over your lifetime your attitudes, driven by your passions, are due to exposure to your family life, your community, your associations and groups, all areas that make up your experience and culture. For some, individual attitudes can be extreme in both a positive or a negative way. You may be broadly aware of what you are passionate about, the driver of your attitudes, but unaware of how it unrealistically affects your perception of others as well as how you treat them. In a recent conversation with one of our instructors she told me she was having a difficult time with a colleague that had a synergistic behavioral style. Once they discovered their attitude in the economic realm was at polar opposites, they were able to respect each other’s position and have a better dialog through understanding and debate as opposed to arguing.

We have also become very interested in how information processing influences our biases creating understanding challenges that affect our understanding, acceptance, judgement and trust. All of these affect our ability to effectively communicate and value others.

Ever go to a social event and meet a person who just would not stop talking about themselves? You ask a friend about their vacation and before they get two sentences out this other person interrupts with their story of visiting that same place. Every time your friend tries to continue, the other guy interrupts with a bigger, better adventure. Or after asking you what you do for a living he goes on and on about his accomplishments with no prompting inquiry from you. Dominating the conversation, you’re stuck standing there nodding your head and mumbling “uh-huh” over and over. Bored to tears, you’re trying to figure out how to escape.

Does that person resemble you? In networking environments there is always the pressure to get your message out, but is that effective? Only if by chance you randomly hit exactly on a pain point of the person you are conversing with. Otherwise you’ve been saddled with the description of a boor and have incentivized them to get away from you quickly. I’ve experienced that and been guilty of it.

As a very talkative person with strong convictions I must be very aware when I am dominating the conversation in not necessarily a good way. What I do now is ask questions; find out about them, their family, how long in the area, who do they work for, what is their position/department, use questions to show their potential as a prospect or influencer. I’m looking for the potential of them being interested in what I have to offer.

Usually, once they have slowed down, they get around to asking me about me. Hopefully I’ve discovered enough to customize my delivery in a way that relates to something I’ve learned during my questioning phase. My goal is to use a related story about something we have done that relates to them. Once the conversation gets around to me, I usually dominate it. I’ll quite often get “Wow, I’ve experienced that same thing,” that opens additional conversation about potential solutions and away we go.

How do you handle networking conversations? What techniques have you found helpful?

There is nothing like learning something new to teach you a few life lessons. I took up West Coast Swing dance lessons this month and have found them to be challenging, insightful and full of great information that applies to life beyond the dance floor. Beautiful execution is dependent on clear direction by the leader while allowing for creative input from the follower. If you have never seen the dance before search it and Youtube or follow the link above… you may be inspired to try it!

So what does it take to perfect the dance? First, love what you do! If you don’t have a passion for it, you will only be going through the motions which make it difficult for all of those around you to know how to work with you. This is directly true of the dance and in what you do in your organization.

Second, you must allow for a creative tension between holding your own position or frame (like a picture frame) and yet allowing your partner the flexibility to lead or follow you depending on your role. I found this to be the most challenging and yet insightful aspect of learning the dance. As a leader, you must know what you want and yet must be in touch with the one you are leading and allow them their space. You need to keep with the flow of music, but be just a half step ahead and know the direction you want them to go. As a follower, you must know your role and steps while you hold onto your own frame and strengths to keep the creative tension needed so that the leader can guide you – note this means you also must be sensitive to where they are leading so you can follow the natural flow. The leader also needs to allow space for the follower to express their own creativity and not demand they follow too tightly.

To successfully maintain the creative tension both parties must maintain their area of strength but also have trust, confidence, and flexibility. The follower must be confident enough to leave themselves slightly vulnerable to the leader, but then the leader must pay attention to their follower well enough to lead without taking them out of their frame, step, or strength. This is the same in organizations, as leaders need to take the time to know the people that they lead, so they can help them maximize their strengths and talents and not micromanage them or stifle their creativity.

Finally, it takes practice, practice, practice to get this right! To enter this dance without passion will lead to burn out, it will cause you to look at all the mistakes instead of the progress, and you will not feel the thrill of conquering and improving. To enter this dance without holding on to your frame of strengths and yet identifying the strengths of your partner will lead to a lack of trust that is needed to build the creative tension for a great working relationship. If at first, you don’t succeed, have a good laugh, keep smiling and communicate about how to rebuild the creative tension and start over.

The same is true in organizations, you need to communicate about what worked and what didn’t work, you need to communicate and commit to what you will do differently to change and improve on both sides. If you think of it as a creative dance and that each time you dance you get a little better, it will be much more rewarding.

Also, note If your outcome is to be a better dancer, a great dance instructor can point out where to make improvements. If your outcome is leading others or building a stronger team, assessments can help you understand the passions, strengths, and processing ability of those around you so you know how to help them use their area of strength when you lead.

Are you ready to take a deep dive into your leadership strengths and yes, your limitations? If you want to experience the most insightful instrument now available take a no-obligation, a no-risk journey starting here!